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| videos anyone |
| 05.21.05 (4:18 pm) [edit] |
Best video in the world! Check it out! I love this guy's mind.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/video/pistachio.php" title="http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/video/pistachio.php" target="_blank"http://www.albinoblacksheep.c...
All hail STREBLO!
And for all of you who enjoy that heres another one I think you'll rather enjoy. Both Bush lovers and haters will get a smile or two I believe. Its become a household song in my neck of the woods. Enjoy! http://www.campchaos.com/show...
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| change |
| 05.20.05 (9:08 pm) [edit] |
I was thinking for some reason today thats its a really good thing Brandon and I broke up when we did. I was just thinking of what it would be like if we got stuck together or had ended up getting married. Only thing that pops into mind is DIVORCE screaming in my brain. I look at how I've changed and how he's changed... no wonder we never talk anymore, we dont even come close to knowing each other! We're so completely different from this time last year. Who knew how much difference one measley year could make. Much self exploration needs to be done.
I think Im afraid to be in a relationship.
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| cruise with me baby |
| 05.18.05 (2:39 pm) [edit] |
Let me just say the cruise was AWESOME!!!! 7 days of pure Heaven! Great weather, lots of fun stuff, bought more good stuff, and met some really great people! One of whom I think could be a friend for a long time to come. You can never have enough friends. Especially those in other states. If I ever break down in Jersey I know someone to come rescue me!
I still gotta work hard to catch up with you, Val. 10s alot of states to cover... you've got talent. So admirable lol.
Hey if anyone who reads this is on myspace look me up! Val you should get an account and we can leave silly commments for each other and it will be oh so fun!
Alright, now that I had my little girly gush (sounds really nasty pervert) I do have something serious to say. Its a follow up on a recent post about my grandfather's depleating health. He went to get a rest reviewed today and they think he has colon cancer. Now he has to go back for all these other testings that he really doesnt want to do. I think he's just ready to be done. Is it weird Im more rejoicing for him than anything else? I think all the family is really. I've never seen people more unmoved by a family member with cancer. But I guess we just know what is awaiting him and know its pretty much what he wants. Maybe it just hasnt sunk in yet, but I dont think there will be any sinking in. Life is what it is... enjoy it while you have it.
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| highlights |
| 05.07.05 (4:58 pm) [edit] |
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Grandmothers are the devil. At least mine are. The one I have been with for the past day and a half tops them all though. She has done nothing but be herself which means: nag, cut down, discourage, and anger. The devoted people will remember me complaining horribly the last time we were here for Thanksgiving. Once every 2 years or more is enough for me. None of this twice a year crap. The woman has already commented several times on Krista being too pale and sickly and me having a big butt and being "meaty". I wear smalls and 3s or 5s in jeans. I have 21% body fat. Im no where near meaty. And yet she continues to hit my butt and go "Boys like big butts. Youre catching up to your mom". Ug. I try to avoid eye contact so maybe she wont know Im here, but so far no luck. Only 6 hours left until we're heading to Miami and then off to Belize!
I did go see Kingdom of Heaven with my cousin Micah and we rocked out to Killers on the way home which was fun while making calling each other fat (to me) and gay (Grandma called him that). In fact, its been the highlight of the trip.
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| Best compliment ever |
| 05.04.05 (6:21 pm) [edit] |
Is this not the best compliment anyone could get? Especially from an ex. I had asked one particular one what it was that made him crazy about me to compare that to how I am now. It finally hit me I've been single for almost an entire year. And I just was wondering if maybe I've changed what made me so... I dunno... appealing, to guys before. So I asked him, and this is what he said.
I can't really tell EXACTLY how you might have changed. But I can, however, tell you what made me want to stay with you. Everyday i was around you, you made it a point to show me how much you cared for me. From the hello hug to the goodbye kiss, I knew where your heart stood. Your innocent smile could capture even the most reluctant hearts. I was found at a time when I didn't care whether I had a girlfriend or not (hence the reason i avoided you so much at that time) But there was a reflection of all that can go good in someone's life in your eyes. When I looked in your eyes I saw the wife I wanted to have, the mother of my children I've dreamed of having, and a love that would continue until we found ourselves still holding hands during church service when our bodies were too weakened with age to stand up. I can't come up with a clear explaination as to why I think of you all the time even though I'm perfectly happy in another relationship. I can't explain why my heart still skips a beat when i get rare pleasure of talking to you in person. And I even can't even tell you why you're still the template which i judge every girl I've been with by. Whatever little quirks or personality traits I might have taken a shine to more than others I don't really know. But I thank God everyday that I noticed them. You're responsible for the majority of ALL the happy thoughts I've ever had. Granted, Amanda is catching up now lol, but the way you made me feel (loved) was enough to make me look forward to each new day, because I knew you'd be there with open arms. Remember Brittney, sometimes it's the man that's blind, and not the woman lost her appeal. I pray all works out in your life, and God brings you the love you deserve. Your charm is not dead Hun. You still bring a smile to my face even when i hear your name.
Ive never felt so proud of my own humanity. That must be the best compliment I've ever gotten. I cant help but feel good about myself. Thanks hun!
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| am I a bad person? |
| 05.01.05 (6:40 pm) [edit] |
My grandpa is pretty sure that its almost his time to go. He's had a major operation on an artery in his neck about a month ago and now more and more things just keep coming up. He's been (sorry this is pretty gross) bleeding when he urinates, and he is pretty sure that he has cancer. Grandma says he just lays around and sleeps all the time, and when he is awake he jsut keeps saying that his time is soon and is very pessimistic about living. I told my dad that I completely believe in the power of the brain, and if he keeps thinking like that, his psyche is liable to cause him to have cancer or to just give up and die. I think honestly though, that Grandpa really just wants to die. He is 87, lived a long productive life, and I think that he is just tired and ready to go home. He has been a pastor almost his entire life (still is to this day), fought in World War II, raised a family on a farm, and has been married to the same woman for almost 60 years. He knows where he will be going when this life ends, and I think he is ready for it. He is tired and homesick for where his heart is, and I really think he feels like a burden now to my Grandma and family. I think that he genuinely wants to die. Which is a sad thought, but I can totally understand. Not that I want to die, but I can imagine at that age and after all youve gone through, that surrendering and just being at peace would be what you long for, especially when you know Heaven is waiting.
The strange thing though is that Im almost kind of rooting for him! Im not sure how I feel about myself feeling this way. I feel like I should be horrified at the prospect of him surrendering on life and that I should want him to continue. But I really dont. I dont want him to die either, but if that is really his wish I would rather him have that than continue living a life he is not happy in. I was never very close to any of my Grandparents with only seeing them once a year. Then when we moved here closer, they were much older and didnt really know how to talk to 14 and 10 year olds. We just werent part of their lives. And I dont blame them for not knowing how to include us. I wouldnt if I were them. So its not like I grew up with them being a big or any part of my life. They were the ones I came to and got money every year and got to play with the horses. I feel very disconnected from them, and it makes me feel bad b/c they are family, but... I just never really had them around like family. And now, I see him, and he is obviously ready to go, and all of me almost wishes that he wouldn. I dont want him dead by any means! But if he doesnt want to be here I would be happier for him in death than I would in life. Its a very controversial topic. I dont know how it fits in with Bible teaching really, but I support euthanasia. And I just cant help thinking that I will feel more relief than anything else when he goes. I'll just be happy for him that he is where he wants to be. The only sadness will be for my Dad and Grandma. But I'll be happy for him. Strange concept really.
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